Diary Of Captain Jack Sparrow
by Deadly Little Miho
Summary: Ever wondered what happened during those three days when Captain Jack was first stranded on that island? Read on and find out!
1. Day 1 Rum! Rum! Glorious Rum!

Disclaimer: I don't own Captain Jack *sniff* or Barbossa or the crew of the Black Pearl etc etc. Big Johnny and his girls are based on real people! (Johnny Depp and the Deppette's). I don't own the real people (*sniff* for Johnny, *phew* for the Deppette's!). Anyway legal crap blah blah blah. . . get on with it people!!! Reviews always welcome! It's my first Pirates. . . fanfic so be nice!!!  
  
Stranded. Stuck on this tiny island by my mutinous crew. Left with nothing but a pistol and a single shot. Barbossa thinks I'll crack like so many before me! He obviously didn't reckon with the willpower of Captain Jack Sparrow! I'm going to escape this Godforsaken spit of land even if it means roping a couple of sea turtles with my own hair. . .from my back! And when I escape I'm going to fire this shot right into that traitor Barbossa's heart. Yep, I'll stay here as long as it takes. And I won't crack! After all I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!  
  
* * *  
  
That pistol is looking better by the minute. Maybe revenge on Barbossa isn't such a good idea. That would bring me down to his level. Maybe I should just. . . pick. . .it. . .up. . .and. . .JACK! Mate, pull yourself together! It's only been 20 minutes! Hmmm, maybe I should go for a walk?  
  
* * *  
  
JACKPOT! Whilst trying to stop myself turning round to end it all, I fell down a hole! After I got out of that and carried on walking I found a trapdoor! Now seeing as a) there was no-one around and b) I'm a pirate, I decided to delve into this mysterious cellar and that's where I found it. Rum! Lots and lots of rum! Sweet, lovely rum! Daren't leave this spot. May never find it again. But I need to be down on the beach in case of passing ships. Ah! I have an idea!  
  
* * *  
  
*hic* Marked my way back from *hic* rum den. I can't *hic* remember what with. Sure it will *hic* come back to me. Hmmm, am *hic* sure I was vertical just a moment ago? 


	2. Day 2 Dreams and more rum!

Disclaimer: I don't own Captain Jack *sniff* or Barbossa or the crew of the Black Pearl etc etc. Big Johnny and his girls are based on real people! (Johnny Depp and the Deppette's). I don't own the real people (*sniff* for Johnny, *phew* for the Deppette's!). Anyway legal crap blah blah blah. . . get on with it people!!! Reviews always welcome! It's my first Pirates. . . fanfic so be nice!!!  
  
Ow. My head hurts. Can't remember anything about last night. Except the rum. Ahh, the rum. Must try to find the rum. Although staying upright is a challenge. Will try to stay on feet.  
  
* * *  
  
Am upright! Am swaying slightly and have found a whole new movement in my wrists but am upright! Now was the rum this way? Or maybe that way?  
  
* * *  
  
Have found the rum! Worked it out with clever amount of drunken steps! Ha ha! Never underestimate the brain power of Captain Jack Sparrow! Am now lying on the warm beach, topping up my tan and thinking about those lovely girls on Tortuga. Big Johnny's girls. I bet that's where that scurvy dog Barbossa's headed right now. Unfortunately for him those girls only have eyes for one pirate. And he's stranded on a beach! Ah be careful there Jack, you almost threw the rum. And we can't have that, can we? Hmm, will just have to let the rum take over and dream about those wonderful girls.  
  
* * *  
  
AGGGGH! The rum! Where's the...Oh it's still here. It was just a dream...a very bad, bad dream! Calm down Jack, the rums still here! The lovely, lovely rum. Stupid dream. Like the crew of the Black Pearl are really going to become cursed because of some Aztec gold, send Bootstrap to the murky depths because he sent the coin they needed to break the curse away, capture a girl, then have her blacksmith eunuch admirer get me involved to save said strumpet and eventually get stuck back on this island with the young lady who burns all my rum! That's just ridiculous! Still shook up, should drink more rum...and get used to my wrists.  
  
* * *  
  
Hmmm, the rum's all *hic* gone. Wish I had *hic* stability to go and get more. *hic* Every attempt at standing *hic* has resulted in me falling. Can't *hic* work out why. Maybe *hic* I should rest? Yeah, *hic* resting's good. 


	3. Day 3 Hallucinations and homeward bound!

Disclaimer: I don't own Captain Jack *sniff* or Barbossa or the crew of the Black Pearl etc etc. Big Johnny and his girls are based on real people! (Johnny Depp and the Deppette's). I don't own the real people (*sniff* for Johnny, *phew* for the Deppette's!). Anyway legal crap blah blah blah. . . get on with it people!!! Reviews always welcome! It's my first Pirates. . . fanfic so be nice!!!  
  
Should really stop drinking all this rum. Who knows how long I'll be stuck here. Should save some. Yes, saving is good. Maybe just one more bottle?  
  
* * *  
  
Okay, rum bad. Rum very, very bad! I'm seeing things. I keep seeing Big Johnny's girls. Everytime I reach forward to grab one of them they keep turning into Barbossa! That's just scary and very, very wrong!!! I think the rum may be turning my brain into mush. Don't be stupid Jack! You're brain's been mush since that little incident with Emily. True but that's not why I'm seeing things!!! Agh! The monkey's back!!!  
  
* * *  
  
It's getting worse! I've tried drinking more rum to knock me out but the horrible images just get worse! Now Barbossa's dancing for me! This is very bad! Wait! Is that a ship? A real ship?! No, Jack, you're seeing things again. Or am I?  
  
* * *  
  
The ship's getting closer! It's coming to save me! I'm saved! I'm saved! No, Jack, you're seeing things, mate. No, no! It's really coming! Jack, it's another rum-enduced hallucination! Hey, who asked you? Well, no-one asked me but considering I'm you...SHUT UP!!!!!  
  
* * *  
  
That ship definitely isn't me imagining things. It's coming! It's coming to save me!!! Or maybe it's going to go right by me? No!!! Ship, come save me please come save meeeee!!!  
  
* * *  
  
The ship's coming closer. It should be here by sundown. I just have to fight away these images till then! No, no! Barbossa stop that!!!!!!  
  
* * *  
  
Am saved!!!! I wasn't imagining things! It really was a ship! And I'm saved. I'm on board now about to do unspeakable things with the Captain's wife. Hopefully I'll stay on board long enough to get to Tortuga and do unspeakable things with Big Johnny's girls! Drink up me 'earties. Yo ho! 


End file.
